I’ve been looking a lot like this lately in preparation for the Great North Swim in June
Last post I promised twisted and cynical, and here it is. I really do love swimming, always have, but there are a few pet peeves which are garanteed to push my buttons and transform me from a happy soul into a grumpy old woman. In my defence, these rules only apply when the pool is marked off for lane swimming so these are for people who have come specifically to do lengths, not to just mess around.
(1) Poolside Stop And Chats
When swimming lengths, THE most annoying thing is when two or more people commandeer the end of each lane for chatter meaning you can’t swim the whole length of the pool and push off from the edge. If you want to gossip love, feck off to the the cafe upstairs – a swimming pool’s for swimming, not discussing. Will do a passive aggressive ‘I’m displeased’ death stare at Stop and Chatters, but I think it loses effect through my pink tinted swimming goggles lenses.
(2) People Who Make Up Their Own Swimming Stroke
These people are usually also excessive splashers. The most unusual bespoke swimming style I’ve seen recently can only be described as ‘The Turtle’, a painfully slow flapping of arms and legs resulting in virtually no momentum forward and a plethora of splashage. Particularly annoying one to get stuck behind
(3) People Positioning Themselves In The Inappropriate Swimming Lane
If you’re not a fast swimmer, there is absolutely no shame in sticking to the slow lane – none at all. What is not ok though, is kidding yourself that the fast lane is for you. People who do this are also likely to be Stop and Chatters – all manner of wrong. As an aside, I aspire one day to be good enough to go in the fast lane.
If you find yourself guilty of any of the offences above, be rest assured that that your other swimmers DO notice and they DO mind!
Until Next Time
PS. Oh, and Happy Easter